Sunday I normally get all my house stuff done, laundry, cleaning things like that. Well today I had to go and make sure one of my Airbnb's was good to go. That turned into a 3-hour task. Then I picked Abby up from a friends house and came home. I am having a hard time with something, but I am also having a hard time getting the words out about it. I hate the feeling of not being wanted. That has been a hard pill to swallow. Being needed is something I am used to I have kids and they will always be needed by them. But when you are with someone and have been for a long time it is hard to not be wanted or needed anymore. The feeling of being so damn empty is overwhelming and at times it is unbearable. I don't want to get out of bed; I don't want to talk to anyone I just want to sleep. Sleep the pain away is the only thing I want to do. How do I move forward? How do we move past this? Can we ever get back to where we were so in love? Willwe get back to the place in our life where we would drive around look at Christmas lights for hours while holding hands and laughing. I can still remember the way he made me feel the night of our first date. We went to dinner, and I was so nerves. He showed up in a dump truck from work and was so cute. We had a nice dinner and at the end of dinner I was boxing up my leftovers and ended up spilling it all in my lap an all we could do is laugh. He walked me to my car, and we texted all night. I knew then he was something I didn't know I needed but was so happy I had found. Now we are so far from that it scares me that this might really be the end. Couldn't it be? I don't know where it goes from here if he isn't the one in my life.
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